Empathy and Puritans

We went away last night so I'm behind a post, but it was totally worth it!  Sir planned it without telling us, he just said on Saturday morning to pack a bag for overnight and we got in the car.  We stayed in a fancy hotel in the mountains, and we hot tubbed and we …

Out of Place

Depression is trying to grab hold of me again today, so I'm fighting it... with all the energy that hasn't already been sucked into depression. So... mostly I'm sitting here resisting curling up in front of the TV. Hooah! I had a pretty busy week for a summer week when I'm not working, and I …

Being Normal

  My life has been a long and strange pursuit of "seeming normal."  I think I've gotten good at it at this point.  But it took a long time to learn to hide it this well. I had a psychotic break when I was 16, but I had (undiagnosed) early onset bipolar...symptoms showing shortly after …

Awakening

Sir and I played today.  It was an impromptu thing and ended up spreading across three rooms and a hallway before we ended up in bed (we don't have sex, I mean literally ended up in bed - cuddling and aftercare).  It was a kind of a wild, totally unplanned series of events, and Sir …

Ignorance and Justification

Someone said something stupid on Facebook, today.  I know...  Earth shattering news, right?  The thing is, it was someone I really thought was better than that.  And she is... in some ways... and not... in this way.  She chose to go into a topic that 1.) she really knew nothing about, 2.) she had a …

Ordinary Evening

So, two nights ago I wrote a technical manual about my relationship and the ways in which it is probably wildly different from the majority of people in relationships.  And I'll write more about those specific differences in more detail in future posts.  But, tonight, I was thinking that despite the underlying framework of our …

This Thing We Do – Shadow 101

Someone asked recently for me to write more about how my particular relationship works.  Then I was talking to my therapist today about my relationship, and I got into a conversation about the... plane of intensity that my relationship occupies in terms of some general categorizing of BDSM or D/s relationship types - granting that …

A Shadow Life

So...  I talk about it often but never do it.  I probably should try NOT talking about it and ACTUALLY doing it... but... baby steps. I'm going to try to write more.  Like...  Every day.  For a year.  I don't know why I decided to do this.  It did lead to an interesting conversation with …

Perspectives

I had a rough day yesterday.  I made some poor choices about caring for myself and my body.  Last night I was punished for those choices.  This morning I was... not punished really, because it wasn't for something I did wrong, but... I was punished.  Because I can't use better words than that because I …

Midsummer Night’s Mania

It's July, I made it past the solstice, which is good, the ramping up/more sunlight every day thing is murder for my brain.  But summer is still hard.  There isn't enough structure, even when I and the people around me work to create structure, it's summer.  I NEED some unstructured time or I will burn …