I took down Sub Brother, and Sir is teetering. I'm not allowed to talk about it in those terms, but... it's true. My issues over the last six months have put a significant strain on the household. I've had many many days and nights of screaming flashbacks, sometimes lasting hours, or coming in clusters and … Continue reading Broken
Someone asked how I identify with the guys in my life... so... I don't really know. But I guess I consider Sir and SB my family. Sort of. I still am not totally sure but for now that seems like an okay definition. We're a coalition of some sort. K and J are friends. I … Continue reading Family
Today is better. Sir stepped things up today and it helped. The dishes are done and put away. The laundry is done and put away. The kitchen is clean. The house is swept. The fridge has food in it for the week. I finished all of my school work that I needed done for tomorrow. … Continue reading Ease
I'm having a less than easy night. It's not terrible - certainly not by the bar set by multiple nights this summer - but not... great. I think it's depression, or at least the leading edge of a depression front. Sir thinks that possibly my feeling is akin to burnout (and potentially that's enough to … Continue reading Output
It's 6:30... I was doing okay at 6. Now I can barely move my limbs. It's too hard to type.
"I tried to think about photography today, I looked for things on our walk." Devin looks at me. "That's good." He drags out the second word, questioning, waiting for the rest. "I couldn't. Nothing was... good." He twists his mouth slightly in sympathy. And Sir, standing slightly behind me, brushes my hair back behind my … Continue reading Empty – SFD
My fingers move over the keys, not typing, just moving because... I have to move. My legs are twitching, my eyes are too wide, I can feel it but I can't stop. The depression has been ice in my veins, lead shot in my limbs, defeat, sloth. But now it has been enervated like Frankenstein's … Continue reading The Edge