Being Sir

While I acknowledge that a triad relationship is innately very difficult (even more than normal relationships, which are hella, stupid hard), I sometimes think Sir has it the hardest.  I'm sure the grass is always... harder...? on the other side, but... We had a rough weekend.  We've all been sick, like, seriously, passing viruses around.  …

Blogging

I'm still struggling.  Pain has become a part of the fabric of my everyday life - a low background ache that ebbs and flares over the course of all of my waking time. I have clearly failed at my writing every day goal. I don't even know if I care. I have been thinking about …

Ease

Today is better.  Sir stepped things up today and it helped. The dishes are done and put away.  The laundry is done and put away.  The kitchen is clean.  The house is swept.  The fridge has food in it for the week.  I finished all of my school work that I needed done for tomorrow. …

Secrets

I slept better last night.  A little.  Weird dreams, but I managed to sleep until 10, so... little better. Sir and sub brother have been home (they went away on their own trip) for a couple days now.  But something has been bothering Sir.  He hasn't said that, I just know. The thing is, he …

Schroedinger’s Rain

I wrote once about a conversation I had with Ryan about having a mental illness.  He and I both have bipolar and PTSD and anxiety.  I was talking to him about reality, about when you have a mental illness, it is like standing in the rain.  You know it is raining.  You can see the …

Recursive First Drafts

I know S doesn't like the "Shitty First Drafts" idea, so this is for you, S.  🙂  I recently read an article by an author who is absolutely not on board with the whole "Shitty First Drafts" idea that is so common among authors.  It was first attributed to Hemingway who said, "The first draft …

Being Normal

  My life has been a long and strange pursuit of "seeming normal."  I think I've gotten good at it at this point.  But it took a long time to learn to hide it this well. I had a psychotic break when I was 16, but I had (undiagnosed) early onset bipolar...symptoms showing shortly after …

Output

I'm having a less than easy night.  It's not terrible - certainly not by the bar set by multiple nights this summer - but not... great. I think it's depression, or at least the leading edge of a depression front. Sir thinks that possibly my feeling is akin to burnout (and potentially that's enough to …

Awakening

Sir and I played today.  It was an impromptu thing and ended up spreading across three rooms and a hallway before we ended up in bed (we don't have sex, I mean literally ended up in bed - cuddling and aftercare).  It was a kind of a wild, totally unplanned series of events, and Sir …

Bruised

I survived the night, as did our relationship.  I probably should be old enough to know that it will, and not indulge myself in emotion and drama.  But somehow, sometimes, things just... sometimes perspective fails and it's just... universally terrible. I'm tired.  Still.  I feel beaten.  Like I was in an emotional car wreck, and …