A lot has changed since I began writing this blog.
I am a writer, though I am frequently and for long stretches seized by writer’s block and anxiety that halts my creative endeavors completely.
I started out as a spanker in the BDSM scene, and by expectations, I became a dominant. But I never felt it quite fit me and I struggled for years with that aspect of my identity. I realize now that I am submissive, with all of the complications that brings with it for me. I am stumbling through trying to understand, embrace, and live my life more authentically in that aspect of my identity than I ever have before.
I have what can best be described as bipolar disorder, though more thorough and attentive doctors have identified that my symptoms stem from other diseases and the “bipolar” is a secondary aspect of these. Whether the bipolar symptoms brought on by the other diseases are so entrenched in my brain’s pathways now as to be permanent remains to be seen, but I strive to live my life as authentically as I can in that aspect of my identity, as well, with all of the complications that it brings.
I am a child of a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I was abused by a caretaker for two years when I was young. These two things have also profoundly shaped my mind and my perspective and I work endlessly to untie the knots that can be untied surrounding these issues, and, as best I can, layer over the ones that cannot with some opalescent hope and acceptance that perhaps will someday leave me pearls where once there were knotted scars.
As for the infinitely long answer to the rest of “who am I?” Perhaps my entries here – good, bad, happy, sad, or indifferent – can answer that question far better than I can in a few concise paragraphs here.
UPDATE: Stories titled or tagged, “Moments with Sir” are real life (with small artistic modifications). Stories titled or tagged “Shitty First Drafts” or “SFD” are fictional.