Memories

  This month is the five year anniversary of T's death.  He attempted this week, five years ago.  He died five years ago at the end of the month.  Sometimes I can't believe it's been five years already.  Sometimes I can't believe it's been only five years. I spent most of this weekend deeply depressed. …

Bad News

I got some bad news yesterday.  And some bad possibility that won't be answered for a few more days.  And... I just... I just can't. I didn't post last night. I should do a back post tonight to make up for it. But I can't. I can't write now. I feel like I'm living under …

Humanity

There was another shooting today. It's just this thing we do here in the United States. You might expect this in, you know, a developing nation, a nation torn by warfare and civil strife, or... the United States. Currently the little news I've been given access to (Sir declared no screen time for the majority …

The Broken Ones

I had a good day! I know, right?  About damn time! So, first I had brunch in Boulder with my mom and my brother.  Nobody said anything stupid and pissed-off making.  And then we even went and shopped in Peppercorn (which is a stupid expensive awesome quirky housewares shop).  I love Peppercorn! Then I came …

Living and Dying

It's been, I just realized, 4 months plus since I last posted.  I don't even want to talk about it because it feels pointless to say anything else about it. In August I got a diagnosis for what has been going on with me for years.  There were all these, "This is hopeful!  Now we …

Moments with Sir – Ownership

This is something I wrote for the list I run... I don't think I ever published it here.  I think I intended to, but just never felt motivated enough to "clean it up" and make it more neat and tidy for this posting. Then I was talking with my friend S, and telling her about …

Feeling Things

Hard week.  I keep trying to smile through it, but...  According to the therapist... and the Sir... and probably Dr. Phil (I don't actually pay attention to things he says... but he probably says this...) simply refusing to feel bad feelings doesn't actually make the bad feelings go away. Never one to simply trust other …

Sunday Night Thoughts

This is such a crap blog (I just typoed that as "carp").  I always think about how crappy it is... my posts aren't thematic or pointed or even on topic beyond "Sunday Night Thoughts."  Wow, Shadow, stunning work, really.  I have no idea why people even come here anymore. DJ wants me to write here …

Poem of the Day – Silent Weeping

WTF, Universe???

So for all my good words of what, 4 hours ago... the universe decided to reward me with a few more kicks in the ribs... cause, you know, clearly there weren't enough broken, yet. I found out that K and J will be leaving the country for an extended period of time.  I told them …