I spent a very long time writing that piece last night and I need to get to bed earlier tonight, so just a reflection on that experience right now...  It was nerve-wracking!  I rewrote the opening paragraph seven times... I was very anxious and panicky trying to write it.  But once I got into it, … Continue reading Reflection


Today is better.  Sir stepped things up today and it helped. The dishes are done and put away.  The laundry is done and put away.  The kitchen is clean.  The house is swept.  The fridge has food in it for the week.  I finished all of my school work that I needed done for tomorrow. … Continue reading Ease


I haven't been sleeping well.  For a while.  Probably why I got sick... and now... mania... It's been coming on for a couple days now that I look back at it.  And the drugs for the asthma... trigger me... and not sleeping... and beginning work... and so much... stimulation. Today I had to work on … Continue reading Decisions

My Anxiety

  I'm tired.  I'm tired of being sick.  I'm tired of drugs and tests and needles and worrying. I'm tired of... people... believing my front. I'm tired of people trying to talk to me, plan with me, make arrangements, involve me in things... as if they think I have the capacity to even discuss anything … Continue reading My Anxiety

Bad Week

It's Friday night.  Sir came home a little while ago with K and J.  I got sent upstairs to do my blog.  I'm irritated about that.  And I'm irritated at the power dynamic in the house right now.  I'm trying to tell myself that I'm projecting because I'm pissed off about a power dynamic at … Continue reading Bad Week


Sir is going to meet with K on Friday night.  He's going to get beaten.  It's a thing they do, and... I've made peace with it in the past, but this time it's upsetting me.  Sir and I have talked this through and he wants me to write about it now. I talked to Sub … Continue reading Weary


I had a rough patch for a few days.  Therapy went hard and I went into a spiral and for some reason (I'm sure therapy could explain it) I became almost intolerably self-critical for several days. And I know it's easy for people to scold or dismiss my self-criticism.  It's easy to say, "You're too … Continue reading Slider