I’m in a lot of trouble.  It seems to be that kind of season…

I got punished after work today, and I’m getting punished again tonight, and I’m banned from Facebook indefinitely.

And I feel incredibly lonely.

I’m very stressed about being punished.

And I’m very ashamed.  I’m ashamed of this aspect of my relationship and my dynamic.  I feel it is the hardest for anyone to relate to.  It makes me feel incredibly alone, because… literally no one I know has the same dynamic I have.

And at times like these when I am scared, and anxious, and nervous, and sad… I most want to talk to someone… to connect with another human being… to have people, and a community.

I’m grateful for the amazing people I do have, who can be supportive and loving even without understanding it…

And this isn’t to besmirch any of the awesome love you all send my way.  I would well and truly be lost without you.

But sometimes it’s just so hard to… to know no one can relate.

One thought on “Alone

  1. Why are you banned from facebook? Is it because it is triggering? I can understand that. I know that I can’t really truly understand the dynamics of your relationship. I hope maybe it helps a tiny bit when I say that I read this and my first thought was relief and a feeling that this is a positive sign. Even if I don’t really understand, I know that there have been times when punishment was not an option, and it seems to me that is a sign that other things are wrong, and that also made your relationship harder work or made you feel less secure or elicited other negative feelings. So, while I am not at all glad you are in trouble, this post helps me hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

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